Vivir su vida

there is a pattern to life--
estamos nacido
we live for a while
then we are gone
these are the few
guarantees in life

if you let a
few little obstacles
stand in your way
of the most important
paso de media--






PARADA!




Never give up
fight for happiness
until you breathe
your
very
last
breath


tiempo on earth is short
it is running out
and slipping away
de todos las personas
do not waste
what little
preciosos tiempo
you have left





VIVEN!

questions

How can you look someone in the face knowing you didn't do everything in your power to help them when they needed it? How can you turn your back on a friend? Their time of need was inconvenient for you, so what? Would you not expect them to lend you a hand if you needed it? Can you not see the amount of hurt in their eyes increase? Does it not fill you with guilt? Can you not feel your stomach churn? How do you sleep at night knowing you could have helped but did not? If you fell, would you not want someone to help you back to your feet? Who has helped you stand "on your own?" Who aided your progress? How many helpful people do you have on your side? Do you not see? How would they perceive your actions? Would they smile with the knowledge of you, or turn away in shame? Remember your friend who needs a hand? Don't you think you should follow your helpers' example?Where would the world be without the few who are unafraid to go out on a limb and help a friend?

untitled

with everything beating through me
i try to understand
all that's happening around me
and to me
you'd think i'd be used to it
the need i feel
to rescue those in danger
to save them from themselves
they're already covered in gasoline
i have to keep them from striking matches
it's like as if they like the danger
the spark in the strike
the glow in the flame
the risk of it spreading
they either feel no resistance
or they don't care
they need someone-- anyone
to pull them from the downward spiral
in which they constantly find themselves
the misery they create
is consuming them
and will continue to do so
unless a heroine steps into play
but
is it really heroism
if it's what one feels they need to do?
i can't stand to see people drown
in a delusional world of their own creation
is it because i've been in those shoes
and walked those same steps?
is it because i was able to help myself
pull myself up and out
of the dismal misery i created?
is it because i know
some cannot do it
alone?
why do i need to be the one to help?
and does it even matter
maybe this is one of the things in life
we are not supposed to understand
it doesn't matter
WHY i want to help--
only THAT i want to help
and that i DO help.

Doing my part

OK, so recycling has become something a lot of people are doing, so I decided to make some reusable grocery bags from... wait for it... plastic grocery bags! I found a blog via stumble upon, and decided to give it a shot. I will update as I progress.

1. Take the plastic bag and flatten it out.
















2. Fold it in half (handle to handle)














3. Again












4. And again, then cut off the bottom of the bag and the handles.














5. Fold it once more

















6. Cut the bag into 1 inch sections. This will give you bands of plastic.





















7. If you remember making rubber band chains as a child, you use the same method to link the plastic bands together. Make sure it;s a tight knot, without stretching and breaking the bands.


















8. Ball it up just like you would yarn, and begin your project.

















I will post pictures of my projects as I finish.

And.... more

there's not a single doubt
drifting through my head
you don't breathe in or out
you're not alive you're undead

no blood coursing through your veins
flesh cool to the touch
i know your face but not your name
when you're near i feel my blood rush

my heart pounding out a beat
a rhythm dancing through me
in my face i can feel the heat
true heat-- its entirety

i want you so close
yet i do not dare
because all will be lost
if into your eyes i stare

they are cool grey steel
glinting in the moonlight
their magic i can feel
i can't-- i'll lose my life

my heartbeat draws you in
the blood pounding inside
you want to pierce my skin
and i do not want to hide

i know what you want from me
though it will sting
i will give it freely
joy to me you bring

you come closer still
i feel gripping fear
the room cool emotion fills
as you come near

my fear begins to subside
i go to you
i will not hide
i will be true

the kiss is so deep and pure
off then on
how long i'm not sure
now it's gone

i'm no longer cold
an emotion i can't measure
tilt my head as i'm told
pain then the pleasure

-2002

Woman

Creamy satiny silk sheets
Beneath her beautiful bare skin
A soothing sensation taking over
The aura all around-calm
The mother brings a blissful breeze
Warm wonderful waves of summer
Her hair swaying seductively
Her beautiful blonde hair dances int he wind
Layers of flowing fragrant flowers
Gorgeous glowing golden orbs of light
The scorching sun blazing in the summer sky
Doesn't compare to the dancing diamonds in her eyes
Her deep buttery bronze blanket covers every inch of her
The sun rays rejoice in touching every particle
Tiny sun beams bouncing along the curves
Silk and luxurious lace linger on her torso
The intriguing enticing article accent her emotions
This wonderful woman--
Gleaming glowing feminine being.

I wrote this for an assignment in my Junior year of high school. How did I not know I was gay?

Eh...

Untitled... and unfinished

I’m still numb
I can’t decide
Which is worse
Being filled with pain
Or feeling nothing

Hopefully this won’t last
And I will find another
Someone who makes
My lips move to smile

She will hold me close
And whisper in my ear
Grasp my hand in hers
Listen when I speak
Love the whole me
Inside and out
She will be mine

And I will be hers
My heart will yearn
For her slightest touch
Her fingertips will
Burn a trail on my skin
I will feel it for
Minutes and hours
Long after the touch
Is gone

I want this feeling again
And I want it stronger
Than I have ever felt it
Before

I want someone to
Miss me when I’m gone
To want me
As I want her

I want someone
Whose soul I can see
Deep in her eyes
Where I can see
A future

Is that too much to ask?

I meant it when I wrote it...

but not now.

Untitled

When you're not here,
There's a void in my heart-
A vacant black hole,
A space nothing can fill-

An unquenchable thirst,
For your kiss.
An irresistible urge,
For your embrace.

There's nothing on Earth,
That makes my heart melt,
Or my head spin,
Quite like the sight of you.

My soul was lost,
In a constant search-
A never-ending battle,
To find a place to rest.

My soul found this
Peaceful place in you.
I can see it in your eyes,
And feel it in my heart.

I know that's the place
Where it just "fits"-
The place where our souls
Willingly fuse together.

You are not here, yet
I can feel your essence,
Like a misty vapor,
All over my body.

I breathe it in, deeply.
Wishing it were you .
I can feel your heart,
Beating in my chest.

I can feel your breath,
Like silk on my neck.
I feel your finger tips,
Tenderly on my cheek.

It's so real to me.
Like you are right here,
By my side- always-
Holding me securely.

The sheer thought of you,
Is very nearly palpable -
Like I can reach out,
And grasp your hand;

Hold you close to me;
Hear you whisper my name-
Those words of devotion,
You speak genuinely.

I cannot wait to feel
Your arms around me,
In a warm embrace-
Lying heart to heart

Gazing eye to eye
Our fingers entwined
Becoming coextensive
Our souls reunited.

My answer to a FS question

Why must people keep a gate around their hearts without a spare key to share with another? How can something as beautiful as love, cut you deeper than any knife ever could?

That is something only those specific people can answer. We all have fences-- it's just a matter of who loves us enough to find away over them. It takes time, energy, and effort. Not many people try that hard to climb over; they just give up. They aren't worth it. If someone doesn't love you enough to deal with your issues and find a way into your heart and the depths of your soul, you deserve better. You deserve someone who will fight to break through those barriers to where they truly want to be-- in your heart. That's how I see it anyway.
The reason love can cut you so deep is because love, true love, takes all of you-- all that you have, all that you are, and all that you will be. You have to open up and trust fully, respect beyond boundaries, let your soul intertwine with another. You have to be strong enough to stand for what's right and weak enough to give in when it is for the greater good. You have to be strong enough to bend.
Love has the capacity to hurt you so much because we let it. We have no choice. We have to be open to all things in love, and that lowers our defenses until they are gone. Love blinds you and makes you see at the same time. Blind to the fact that that person is capable of evil, and makes you see that sometimes it is worth the risk to open your gate to let someone in. We are all different, but to love, we are all the same. All of this is, of course, just my opinion. I do, however, stand very firmly on this particular opinion.

Water

Water I

Born from a river of love:

The lake of impurity,

The brook of mistrust,

The creek of cruelty,

The stream of unjust,

And the sea of jealousy,

Of these, I can’t swim one.

Water II

The water, clear and pure,

Raging—so powerful.

It’s consumingly healing.

It magically cleanses

All the weak and weary.

Almost musical,

As it so surely courses

Through the forest.

It mystically nurtures

All those in need.

It calms and soothes

The sores rubbed raw.

Consealing the hurt

That comes from within—

The water,

That comes from without.

Existed

My life—

An unfinished jigsaw puzzle,

Each piece, a dead end,

No matching conclusion

For the problem.

Seams of cardboard,

Nothing more?

You must be careful

With every delicate sliver.

One false move

May be your last.

A single slip,

And all is lost.

My life rests upon the fate

Of this little chip.

Yes,

The one falling,

Falling to a seemingly safe

And sturdy space…

Onto the floor.

But what I see astounds me.

That one tiny aspect of my life

Tumbles off the metal

Of the ventilation gate,

Down through the metal grate

Down

Down

Down still,

Til there’s no hope of recovery.

This puzzle will never reach completion.

Some lone, still, weary day

It will be disposed of,

Thrown into a garbage bin-

Tossed aside;

As if it were rubbage,

Disregarded like it

Never

Even

Existed.

Guilt

It eats at you.

It peels away the layers,

From the inside out.

It’s like acid poured onto flesh;

Like lemon juice

Squeezed onto an open wound.

It rips and shreds,

Like wild animals’ teeth and claws,

Into their small, tense prey.

You have to let it out.

It has to come out.

It eats and rips

Until it gets out,

Whether you like it or not.

You may scream and yell,

And scratch and bite,

And lose every ounce of sanity

That you’ve ever had;

Then you tell someone.

You let it out.

But it does no good.

No one listens or believes.

You are cursed.

Cursed with the guilt.

Soo...

Most people have a blog now, so I figured I'd jump on the wagon.
This is sure to be the most mixed-up mess of a blog on the internet. Poetry, lists, quotations, the sky's the limit really.
You have been warned.